I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
