I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
