dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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