The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
