Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize