people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
