...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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