I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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