worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
