I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
