omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize