This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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