I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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