i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
