some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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