Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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