i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
