Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize