i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They are going to name an STD after you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
