dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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