considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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