I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
