it wasn't lemon gatorade
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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