Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
