Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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