just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ketchup is God's man juice
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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