I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
