woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
