No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
