Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
