i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
