how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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