Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
