from now on my penis is your penis
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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