I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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