So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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