so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
