She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
