I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
