cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
