After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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