Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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