What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
