She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
