OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
