It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
