He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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