Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
