just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
