neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
