Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
