one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
