Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
