Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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