Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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