i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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