Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
