Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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