Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You left your phone here
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