the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
