Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
