sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
