it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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