I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
