My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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