I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
