Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
