So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
