I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
