Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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