Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize