Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
