my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
