I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
