as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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