When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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