i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
