he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize