I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
