he wants to bone in the snuggie
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
