Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
