My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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