Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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