i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
