Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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