and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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