Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
