And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize