I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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