Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
