so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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