i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
