Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
