Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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